THE LAW OF PROPERTY

THE ONLY LAW HUMANS WILL EVER NEED

In the future, once humans have evolved enough, there will only be one law, and this one law is not of our creation. The Law of Property is a law that emerged organically within nature, one that our founding fathers described in the plural as the “Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God”. Not your god, or my god either, but specifically, “Nature’s God”. And yes, you can easily elaborate on this one law and turn it into several laws in the plural, but mere examples of its application do not multiply the one law into many. You can come up with a million laws, but once you examine them one by one, only two outcomes will you find: in the best of cases, you’ll find a mere example of the application of the Law of Property, and in the worst of cases, you’ll find a bogus law that violates the Law of Property.

THE ORIGIN OF THE LAW

Humans are animals. Animals of all species have been furnished by nature with their own set of tools, be it fangs, claws, horns, hooves, beaks, wings, fins, and even venom. Every single animal depends on its natural tools to survive, to protect themselves from the weather or from attackers, and to procure their own food. In most cases, these tools are built-in. They are part of the animal’s anatomy. When you look at a human though, you will be hard-pressed to identify any built-in tools that could possibly compete against the awesome tools of the other animals. So how is it that this seemingly inadequate animal we call human, rose to become king of the jungle, top of the food chain, and master of the universe?

Well, you see, nature was very generous to mankind. Instead of giving us fangs or claws or hooves, she gave us the one tool that can create all other tools: our brain. The human brain is so powerful that, even though it weighs only 2% of our total body mass, it consumes 25% of all our energy; and that’s just when we’re chilling in torpor, staring into the void. Chess masters during a tournament consume as many calories as mountain bikers during a race. Yes, you can think yourself skinny!

So we got this awesome brain, and off we went, walking tall and proud, out into the world. And nature was right: we thought and built our own tools, our weapons, our machines. And we conquered the world. But one crucial detail is often forgotten in this equation: the tools we make belong to us. They are our property. They are an extension of our anatomy. And thus we are rightfully free to use them, trade them, or dispose of them any way we want.

This is painfully obvious for other animals, because the only way to take their tools is to mutilate them. And some humans do mutilate other animals. Cat owners de-claw their cats, for the sake of their furniture. But it would be cruel and immoral to let loose such cat out into the woods, abandon it to fend for itself without the tools that nature provided for its survival. Some humans mutilate elephants for their ivory, knowing that without their tusks they will die a slow and painful death of starvation.

And although it is not so obvious for humans, because humans don’t bleed when you take their tools, the result is the same: when you take a man’s property against his will, you are threatening his survival. This is the foundation for the Law of Property.

THE LETTER OF THE LAW

The letter of the Law of Property reads as follows. Please keep in mind that the word “man” here is used in its wider form to mean “a member of mankind”. It is not meant to denote gender.

ARTICLE 1

Every man is the rightful owner of his body. Man’s body contains the human brain, which when properly used generates ideas that guide man’s actions and allow him to survive and thrive. Man’s body and brain are his Primary Property.

ARTICLE 2

Man uses his body and brain to invent, create, and produce goods and services, machines, systems, and organizations. All of these are his property, which he can use, trade, or dispose of, according to his liking, and in such free fashion that the only limitation to man’s activities is his compliance with the property rights of others.

ARTICLE 3

No man shall take, damage, or threaten another man’s property without the owner’s informed consent. Consent is invalid when it results from deception.

ARTICLE 4

The consequence for violating the Law of Property is the violator’s immediate and complete loss of his own property rights.

ARTICLE 5

A man holds all of his property rights even when he himself is the product of another man, but he must abide by his creator’s guidance until he becomes fully self-sufficient. The man who creates another man is responsible for the well-being of his creation until it becomes fully self-sufficient. No man can own another man, even with informed consent. The trinity of self-awareness, self-sufficiency, and compliance with the Law of Property is the true and only test of a free man.

THE LAW THAT TESTS ALL OTHERS

The Law of Property is the simple test that instantly tells you whether or not somebody’s rights have been violated. You get an instant answer, one that is unequivocal, unambiguous, and irrefutable. And in our zeitgeist of instant gratification, we should all build a little altar to the Law of Property, because during these times of uncertainty, we need to fiercely guard our one source of unassailable truth.

Here’s how it works:

Is murder illegal? Of course it is, a human’s number one possession is his body, and murder, by definition is the irreparable destruction of his primary property. Any interaction with a human’s primary property without her consent is illegal: assault, battery, rape, and the endless list of legal definitions that redundantly describe the same thing: violation of property.

Is theft illegal? Of course, even the property outside of our body is still our own property, and even if we don’t bleed when it is taken from us against our will, it is still a violation of property.

This is kind of fun. We can run this little test on anything. How about the Ten Commandments? Okay, here we go:

I Thou shalt have no other gods before me

You can have any gods you like, as long as you don’t violate anyone’s property rights.

So no, the first commandment doesn’t cut it. Too bad.

II Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image

You can have as many idols as you like, and you can worship them to your heart’s content, as long as you don’t violate anyone’s property rights. So go ahead and light a candle to that Justin Bieber poster you have in your bedroom: it’s okay. There are more than 10,000 saints recognized by the Catholic Church alone, so sin away, my friend. Don’t go stealing any candles though: that’ll get you straight into hell.

So no, the second commandment doesn’t cut it either. Too bad.

III Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in Vain

Blasphemy, the horror! Luckily though, this sin doesn’t violate anyone’s property. Do cuss away, you lowly sinner, and protect your Freedom of Speech as if your life depended on it, because it does. The First Amendment of the Constitution of the United States was a good attempt to define what Freedom of Speech means. Unfortunately, it has since been weakened by dumb lawmakers who failed to use the Law of Property to test the various scenarios they were contemplating. If they would have, they certainly wouldn’t have included “Obscenity” and “Fighting Words” in the “Unprotected Speech” category. You see, Obscenity and Fighting Words, unlike Defamation, Fraud, Incitement, True Threats, Speech Integral To Criminal Conduct, and Child Pornography, are the only two categories of unprotected speech that should instead be protected, simply because they do not violate anyone’s property, and they do not constitute an actual physical threat either, as long as they remain in the realm of speech.

So no, the third one’s a dud too. Too bad. Are there any good ones? Yes, read on.

IV Remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy

Yes, of course, the fourth one’s a dud too, be patient, there’s a couple of good ones coming up. What a waste of clay tablets eh?

V Honor thy father and thy mother

You did not have a say in the matter of who your parents are. Have they earned your honor? This question is entirely up to you to answer. If you made it into adulthood relatively unscathed, chances are that your parents did an okay job of keeping you alive during your dependency years, and maybe they deserve some help from you when they enter their advanced age and they become dependent themselves, especially if they’ve been unable to save up for their retirement and they cannot afford to hire their own in-home caretakers, or pay for their stay in an assisted living facility. But this decision is entirely up to you: you cannot be bound by a contract you never signed, and you are not breaking the Law of Property in any way by just ghosting your own folks. But how well do you sleep at night?

VI Thou shalt not kill

Oh finally a good one! Although we all know that the correct translation is “Thou shalt not murder”. And we know this because to kill in battle or in self-defense has always been rewarded and not punished, across all cultures and religions. So, okay, don’t go around murdering people. You will be violating their primary property, which is their body, their anatomy, the sacred vessel that carries their soul. And not only you’d be violating their property, you would also give up all your property rights instantly, even before you murder anyone. Even if you just attempt to murder another human, you instantly relinquish your own property rights, because you are giving them the right to legally kill you in their own self-defense. So watch out. Don’t fuck with the man, or the woman. Don’t fuck with Texas. Amen.

VII Thou shalt not commit adultery

Marriage is a legal contract between two consenting adults. Contracts are considered property. In fact, some types of contracts are bought and sold every day, with the consent of all parties involved. If you’ve entered into a marriage contract, and Adultery is one of the “frowned-upon” activities contemplated within its clauses, you would be committing a “Breach of Contract” if you engage in adulterous activities. Although “Breach of Contract” is not a Criminal Offense, it is nonetheless a Civil Liability, and you risk losing your possessions over it. This is because your possessions are your property, and according to your marriage contract you share your property with your spouse, so it ensues that this seventh commandment is a good one also, because by breaching the contract you are violating your spouse’s property. Two in a row! Go Moses! Please remember that you can avoid committing adultery altogether by simply modifying the contract with the consent of all parties involved, and if they do not consent, you can also withdraw from the contract prior to carrying out the adulterous activity. Emphasis on the adverb “prior to”. Once you’ve withdrawn from the contract and paid the withdrawal penalties as prescribed by the contract itself, you may want to look into alternative lifestyles such as polyamory, which allows for a long-term committed romantic and sexual relationship among three or more parties. Or you could just accept the fact that you’re a little tart and fully embrace it. No shame in it.

VIII Thou shalt not steal

Hooray! Three in a row! Yes, of course, stealing by definition is violating the property of others. Go straight to hell.

IX Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor

The key words in this one are “against thy neighbor”. It implies that your neighbor is someone who is a meaningful friend to you, and means well towards you. Your neighbor is someone who has your best interest at heart, as part of an implied sense of community or business association. It follows that if you lie to this person, you are maliciously deceiving her. So yes lying is wrong. But especially when you lie with the intent to harm, which is another way of saying with the intent to violate someone’s property. Four good commandments in a row! I guess they put all the good ones in the second tablet. Buyer Beware: it is perfectly okay to lie in self defense, which is when lying is used to protect yourself from harm perpetrated upon you by someone who is attempting to violate your property rights, someone who is not “thy neighbor”.

X Thou shalt not covet

Of course it’s perfectly okay to covet. No property damage here. Too bad. We were on a roll there for a minute, but alas, number ten is another dud. Thought control is a lost cause from the get-go, for one. And how are you gonna enforce this one? Thought police? I didn’t think so either. And does your neighbor really own his wife? Of course not! That would be a violation of her property rights. No human can own another human. Because our body is our primary property, and by definition, its title is not transferable as long as the owner is alive. You can donate your body to science if you so desire, or even to your spouse (creepy), but you first have to die, hopefully from natural causes. The fact that the tenth commandment fails the test is very important, as it pertains to freedom of thought. Once you understand this, you will realize that there is no such thing as a “hate crime” or “hate speech”. These are all dangerous attempts at limiting our freedom and creating injustices in our legal system.

In the future, once humans have evolved enough, they will not be governed by other humans. They will be governed by the law. The one law. The Law of Property. We will no longer elect politicians. We will elect administrators. And the government will no longer have three branches, it will have two: The Judiciary and the Executive. There will be no need for a Legislative branch. Because laws should never be created by humans. When it comes to laws, Nature knows best.